Sunday, 29 November 2015

I love and approve of my self unconditionally.....or do I?

Medium Gillian Holland on

 Lighting up Your Life with Affirmations

I've got lots of ideas running around in my head, as we all have,  but they're not always positive more's the pity, and these can hold us back when we hit a crossroads. So I thought I would have another look at one of Louise Hay's perhaps most famous affirmation taken from her book 'You Can Heal Your Life' and see where it takes me. 'You Can Heal Your Life' is a book I first discovered in the 80's well before Louise went on to found her now world wide publishing house.

How do they work?:

Proper use of  affirmations can truly Light up your Life! But you have to see them through to the end, and then your crock of gold could be waiting at the end of the rainbow; it could be the light bulb moment which truly transforms your life.  I think one of the defining moments in my own life was 'realising it's okay to be ME rather than trying to be the person other people want me to be!'

The aim is to change your negative thinking pattern into something more positive; something that will inspire and motivate you to move forward rather than hide away in the shadows thinking you are not up to the mark. The knock-back thinking is the bit of us that's resisting change and therefore holding us back.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, e.g. so say 'Don't you look marvellous?', and you are likely to hit a whispered knock back along these lines,'Oh yeah, and just who do you think you are trying to kid?' 

Now you could even get a knock-back from a supposed friend, but more often than not, we are our own worst enemies.  We sabotage ourselves to the nth degree with our negative thought patterns just when we are trying to change ourselves for the better.

Here are some of my own negative knock-backs as I worked with this affirmation. Believe it or not recognising them,  but not beating yourself up, is more power to your elbow., especially when you realise just how much they have really been holding you back. In fact, not beating yourself up is the 'key to transformation.'  The affirmation you will see in italics, and my negative kick-backs underneath in plain and simple script.

I love and approve of myself unconditionally (5a.m.)

Yes, you got it, 5a.m. It's still dark outside, but I am up and ready to go,. I whip out Louise Hay's book, a  journal and pen. Deep breath - I can do this!

I attack the words with gusto, shoving them down into my journal, spidery letters crawling across the page.  I Can Do This! I Really Can Do This!

No enjoyment here, though, just a tour of duty.  I grit my teeth, yes that's right literally grit my teeth, head down, white knuckles taut on the pen.

This is something I have to do, something I have to battle through; another chore, another duty to perform  It's a military exercise fine tuned with precision, no frills and, heaven forbid, certainly no enjoyment especially at this hour of the day! Mindless!

I love and approve of myself unconditionally

I loosen my jaw, don't want any MORE trouble with my teeth now do I? (Those teeth of yours Gillian, well, really!)  I need to approach this exercise more openly, and with feeling, not just robotic mindlessness.

What's the difference then in the two attitudes?  Well I feel more expansive, but nonetheless ANXIOUS.  I've opened up to the possibility that there is far more going on underneath the surface of that very optimistic affirmation.

WHOA!  I don't just have to chant it, I have to LIVE it! Darn it!

Okay there's lots more to this than I had realised! Am I really being asked to be open to a multitude of feelings I would rather not know about? Do I really have to confront all of this?

I feel like an absolutely plonker: plonking words down on paper, only to be answered with a rat-a-tat mocking full-frontal attack, ' Oh do you now?'

Its churning up all these feelings; anger, fear resentment, frustration, you name it and I seem to have it. 'There you go, told you so!' that voice mocks all over again.  

The Lids come off the saucepan and the secrets out. 'So Alright, No I don't love and approve of myself unconditionally.  I am a long way away from that...It's cold, its damp and very dark outside, the duvet's much more inviting, so I am not sure whether I want to play this game any more!

I've been scuppered!!!  Okay, so I am not so perfect, you've guessed it! I'm not all apple pie and custard (too fattening); the gingham check on my pinny (apron) has worn exceedingly thin, plus I don't like what I see in the mirror as I crank myself out of bed Tiger Balm in hand.

I love and approve of myself unconditionally

It's not about the words exactly, its more about the feelings they generate. OMG!

And right now , right up until this very minute, they've generated more than their fair share of 'Don't be ridiculous!'  not to mention, since it's Christmas, a few 'Bah Humbugs!', too.  I'm cringing, positively cringing!

I love and approve of myself unconditionally

Well Awright!!! Now I feel just plain guilty. All this time talking to myself? Talking to myself, now isn't that supposed to be some kind of a sign, and not too auspicious a sign either?  It surely can't be right to devote all this time to ME; little old me???  It's a bit of a game really isn't it? A scam even? Overindulgent?

I search my memory bank for an excuse to stop! Then it hits me!!! (Whoops that's the wrong word!).

Just what IS the purpose of all this?

Life's not meant to be regimented,  we are all meant to be true to ourselves. 

If we call ourself a silly old twit, we could be silly, we could be old, but a twit? NAH!!!

 I may be eccentric!
 What's more, I may have more than a few sags and bags
 ( Oh dear, don't you just love them? )

I mean those scales have just got to be wrong RIGHT?

And I never could spell either!

But I have the right to be ME
I am an individual in my own right!

Let me say that again. I have the right to be Me.

That is what marks me out as an individual.

 We can either go for the jugular, so to speak, or we can say it 'with loving acceptance'. We can accept our faults lovingly, or we can beat ourselves up and give ourselves a hard time because we don't quite meet everyone's expectations, and we're not part of the robotic regiment! 

  I may be eccentric, but at least I am being ME. And as the affirmation says,

'I love and approve of myself unconditionally!
We are who we are, eccentric or not.
It's the warts which mark us out as Individuals
And we are all born to be Individuals.
Our individuality is our gift to the world.

Gillian Holland copyright 2015

Louise Hay's Book 'You Can Heal Your Life' is available from Hay House UK


  1. Marian says This blog makes perfect sense to me, Gillian, you have a way of explaining to me how I feel, when I can't explain it to myself.

  2. Really pleased it makes some sense Marian. Thank you for your comment

  3. Jenni's comment: Just read your blog. It was very good. I can related to some of that.

  4. This blog was an absolute delightful, full of deja vu and enlightening. Reading it added a few more wrinkles - or better described - laugh lines to my face. Thank you!

  5. Wrinkles for the right reason then Gwen?